Once upon a Saturday Night
by UndoneAndConquered
Summary: Once upon a Saturday night, Artemis kidnapped/takes Holly out. Trouble? Well, Trouble and Foaly teams up for sabotage. Maybe a Troll barging in is a little bit irksome specially if it also wanted Holly for his date. They all team up with a sneaky paparazzi who wants to know why he's not resting in peace after being legally dead-twice! Typical Saturday night.
1. Under the Bushes

**Note: Ok. I realize that I may be labouring under the delusion that I can tell stories. If this is not the case, I make my apologies. However, I am willing to try and to take the risk of viewing this story without any reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I'll play with the characters and just borrow for a while. I write what I want to read but nobody cares on writing. So if Colfer had written this, the world would have been spared of my pen.**

**Bother originality, and nothing will be done. Just write what I enjoy best that would happen. =)**

**(note: These are all tips from C.S. Lewis)**

* * *

Three pairs of binoculars were watching Artemis, who was busy carefully instructing the waiter to serve them a vegetarian caviar spaghetti on a bed of julienne vegetables. Butler was hovering like a sphere of tri-phased light shield. Surprise, surprise.

"D'Arvit. It itches here, " Trouble complained.

"Tea, mademoiselle?"the waiter went over to pour them some tea, paying special attention to Holly (who was thinking stereotyping wasn't that bad after all), since she was a girl.

Trouble groaned. "So many people are after Holly, I won't be surprised if Chix Verbil will also appear out of thin air."

Foaly laughed. "No can do. I've recently checked the database. He's dating Tinkerbell."

Trouble snorted. "But doesn't everybody know she's head over heels to that Peter Pan?" As a child, he used to wonder why the human boy could fly, never grow up, and never seem to have wounds. That is, until his mommy told him Pete was a half human half fairy hybrid."

Foaly shook his head. "Nah. Wendy's gone for half a century but Pete still can't get over it. Tink gave up decades ago."

"I see," said Trouble. Not a lie this time. Typical Arwen – Aragorn story. He wondered where Arwen was staying this millennium, and what he could do to help her move on from her sorrows then he remembered Holly again, which made him wonder even more. If things don't go well with the sabotage, maybe she and Arwen could be BFF's. He glanced at Foaly "So this is why you agreed to help?"

"Uh-huh", replied the centaur. "I hope Artemis doesn't take it personally, but let's face it. Seventy years from now (or if I know Fowl, even less than that), Holly is going to move in with Arwen in a new apartment."


	2. Casually Dating

**This is another attempt to write a good story. Thank you everyone! Your first reviews was a warm-welcome to the fan-fiction community. I apologize for disappointing you all, but this is all I came up with. Why is it that every time I think of something tolerable, I find out that it's already too mainstream?**

**ILoveFowl and Christmas Roses: Sorry. =( I once had a cozy story blabbing in my head, but writer's block got in the way, and everything I write seemed parched and dehydrated of any tolerable content.**

**Disclaimer: don't own AF.**

* * *

"What's the matter, Holly. Just a while ago you were being nice to the waiter. I trust that you are feeling all right?" smiled Artemis across the table.

"All right? You abducted me again Fowl, and I think this will not be the last time," barked Holly silently through gritted teeth.

"That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"On whether you cooperate in peace, or put up a fight."

"Remind me again why I don't just shoot you with a single Nutrino blast."

"Because, you are currently in the visible spectrum, and any attempt would induce collateral damage to the safety of the People, and second, because you have, againts your better judgement, made an attatchment to me, and gambles for a slight probability that I am not a criminal that you think I am. Now act casually and pretend we are just one of those happy senseless couples such as those in the next table."

Holly groaned, "If only we were."

"Eh, What's that?" An apparent glint of smile flashed across his face a split-second visible before he remembered to check himself.

"No. I meant, if only the situation was not that complicated."

Artemis sighed. "I realize this must be slightly inconvenient for you but-"

"'Inconvenient'? _Inconvenient? _I am tied to my seat without a barest hint of what will happen next, and you say its slightly inconvenient?" Holly's check grew red and her hands shook in exasperation.

"Well, technically you are not. But you are as good as tied, yes."

She stared at him like a couple of minutes. "You know what Fowl?"

"What? You finally see my point on why it's designed this way?"

"No. I was going to say. I don't see Sherlock Holmes in you. I see the merciless eyes of Moriarty."

"Perhaps," Artemis leaned closer so that his face was just inches away from Holly. "Or perhaps I just like playing the bad guy to protect everyone. Just like Snape."

Holly blinked, trying not to show it to Artemis that she was taken in. If Artemis is shadowy, she would not let her face be like an open book. "Well, I am not sure I can trust vampires." She spat back, making each word like a whispered bomb.

"Eat your food, Holly. You're going to need all that you can get. I am expecting company."

* * *

**Questions:**

**What was the reason for Fowl to abduct Holly instead of just asking it as a favor?**

**Why do they have to pretend like they were casually dating?**

**How did he trick Foaly and Trouble that Holly came willingly?**

**I won't threaten you for reviews, but please do suggestions cause I might just post gibberish or go on hiatus if I am not filled with ideas or motivation.**


	3. I hate Fowl

"What's that?" asked the commander.

"A magic battery."

"Oho! So what does it do? Turn toads into pumpkins?"

"Don't be absurd Trouble," replied Foaly rather offended. "It's a battery that stores magic so it can shield."

"So we fly this thing up there, and just pour the contents to Holly's drink."

"No-!" retorted Foaly.

"Foaly,"

"Yes, but just so you know, this baby is invisible And this vial's the hate potion I've been developing with the help of the Chemistry team of warlocks. A drop of this, and Holly's nerve cells will replicate anger patterns and-" a glare from Trouble made him stop. "Okay, okay! But honestly, the way things are going with what looks like their verbal sparring, I don't think this is needed here after all," said Foaly as he attached the vial to his tiny flying shielding toy.

"Give me that!" said Trouble, snatching the controls. "Remind me again why we are here wearing this ridiculous ninja suit, hiding behind a very annoying itchy bush when we could have done this even if we're just in your Ops Booth!"

"Nooo." Said Foaly sarcastically. "We're here because I just want to see the surface Disneyland and I feel like dressing up as a mysterious villain ready to sabotage an operation, which in this case, we really are. Of course not!"

Trouble's hand turned claw-like in vain attempt to strangle Foaly's neck. "You overrated, overpaid- "

"I- arg- this is a field mission. I needed a closer angle on Fowl... Stop strangling, it's irritating!"

Trouble stopped so Foaly could gasp and replenish lost imaginary breaths. "And the clothes?"

"Upgraded uniform. I want you, as a _friend_ to be the first one to try it." Foaly thought it was wise to leave out the part of him being the guinea pig of the new prototype uniforms .

The tiny machine buzzed to life, the hate concoction attached to it, and skidded to Artemis and Holly' table, artificially shielded.

* * *

Artemis was closely watching Holly fuming, when all of a sudden he noticed a small hiss sound along with the barely visible cloud of smoke on Holly's drink.

"Holly! Don't touch that!" Artemis said sharply and made an attempt to grab the glass.

"Oops, too late," said Holly after she took a sip. "I seem to enjoy not following orders.

Holly's expression seemed to change too. It turned red(For a nut-brown skin, that's saying something). Her eyes narrowed. Then he looked at her mouth. Of course there must be a scowl there. An indication of her anger issues reaching new heights. But the scowl was never found. Unless a small curved upward lips counted. Yes, frond. It curved upwards. It was no mistake. Artemis Fowl never makes mistake(or so he obstinately thought). Holly's face was in the dreamland.

"Arty," she smiled and stretched her hands. "I feel cold all of a sudden. Hug me." She broke into un-Holly-like fits and giggles.

"Hrrk!" said Artemis suddenly raising his forearm to cover his face in shock and disbelief.

Holly seized a strand of his hair. "Ohh. You're hair is so raven. I've always liked raven-haired. Heh."

"Butler, What is the meaning of this?" Artemis turned to him, slapping Holly's hand.

"Well, this things usually happen in a date. Very normal, " commented Butler.

"Yes. Most amusing, Butler. Very romantic," Artemis sighed as Holly inched closer to him. He then proceeded back further away from her pursuing figure.

* * *

"Foaly, I hope your next statement is, 'This is exactly what I have planned'." Said Trouble, with a shade of hope. Suckers. Of course something went wrong.

Foaly watched in horror as her friend turned more spongy every minute. "I think I made a mis-"

"No, wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess. You gave her the love potion, instead of the hate one."

"Err..."

"D'arvit."


End file.
